All the secular countries around the world are watching Saudi Arabia closely after the crowning of King Salman. Here’s hoping that finally the country will take a step towards enlightenment.
This blog is for those who didn’t like or could not relate to Muslimaaniyat 101
Hopefully this time around, I will be more successful in explaining how to be a good muslim in Pakistan.
We will try to forget Palestine and the Jews this time.
Just kidding, we Pakistanis can never forget the Jews. Remember the stinky face you are supposed to make when you hear the word Jew?
I mean, who else would we blame for half our problems? Wait, let me post a link to boycott all Israeli products on my Yahudi technology run laptop on Yahudi Atheist (ooh, double trouble) owned Facebook.
Back! So here we go:
I have been told, on more than one occasion that I only post negative things about Pakistan. Also, that I make Pakistan look bad in front of everyone, including our ‘apparently unfriendly’ neighbor.
I firmly believe that to treat a problem, you have to first acknowledge that it exists, only then can you go about solving it. People, who sweep things under the carpet or prefer to stick their heads in the sand every time something negative comes up, are not helping Pakistan. Not in my opinion, any way.
BUT, this list is going to be about all the good things in Pakistan. I will not mention a single negative thing. How about that!
If you are a person wishing to learn about being a muslim in Pakistan; look no further, you have come to the right place. You could be a muslim from another country, a recent convert, or simply one willing to be the ‘best-est’ muslim out there. This list is just for you.
- You must post about Gaza around 99 times a day on every social media that exists. You must cry! No, not cry but rather WAIL your heart out about how bad you feel about them. (Do put aside your Ramadan pakoras though, the tears might ruin the taste.)
If you can’t muster up real ones then crocodile tears will suffice. Poke your eye if you have to, but get those darned tears out!
These 99 posts are equivalent to a person going kaboom, you both shall get 72 virgins/houris in the end. *wiggles eyebrows*
Disclaimer: houris not included for women heaven-ers.
Things for which you will be (and have been) booked under blasphemy in Pakistan.
- For being an Ahmadi! Let’s face it.. .. it is sooo blasphemous to be an Ahmedi in Pakistan.. that even people with the surname Ahmad are eyed suspiciously. Usually with one eye ready to pop out of the socket and an eyebrow defying gravity and flying towards the ceiling.
(Ok, maybe not all the people surnamed Ahmad.. just the ones who stick up for Ahmadis)
You make fun of me because I have many Gods, some in forms of animals.
You have one divine God without a face and yet you all have nothing but hatred for each other.
You tease me for I revere the cow and call me disgusting that I (few) drink its urine.
You hide it that you drink camel’s urine and even wash your hair with it.
You mock the statue of my God in my car.
You have a big Allah sign with diamantes hanging from your car’s rear mirror which dances to the loud music blaring from your radio.
You badger me that I don’t eat meat, how physically weak and ‘unmacho’ that makes me.
You slice the necks of your helpless animals, making death slow and painful and hang them to drain the blood in the name of purification. Macho?
You say you are tolerant and accepting of everyone.
You don’t even let your shia daughter marry a sunni man.
You say I don’t belong in your country and should’ve have stayed in the country next door.
You, your grandparents and your ancestors are from that country. You watch their movies, copy their clothes, and even marry the way they do. And I should go?
You say that you are not treated fairly anywhere in the world.
You burn my holy temple on my day of celebration.
And you say you are better than me? Are you really better than me?
You say God teaches you to be kind.
You say I am dark skinned and refer to me with derogatory names; names that have now become my identity.
You say you preach love.
You don’t let me drink from the same glass as you. For if I do, you throw me in jail. I cook my own food there lest someone poisons me to punish me further for that drink. I live in isolation fighting insanity every day.
You say one who saves a life is like one who saved all mankind.
You deny me medicine on my deathbed until I recite your holy words and accept your God as mine. To save me, I must believe in your God?
And you say you are better than me?
You want me to wish you on your special days to show you that I think it special too.
But you will not sit with me, have a meal or wish me on my day.
You tell me to convert, as it will protect me.
You let a girl set herself on fire because you let her rapists roam free.
You say to cover my face is to be beautiful.
You brought no justice to the woman who had acid thrown on her face and now has to cover it because you shame it.
You scream that I may wear jeans and maybe show too much arm.
But you let that little child marry that old man without a whisper.
You declare you respect women, hold them in high honor.
You rape and then parade a woman stripped naked of her clothes and dignity in front of everyone.
You snap at me and use the word vulgar to describe me.
You marry 4 women (at times kids) at the same time.
You say in death, only God knows the truth and will decide.
You break my tombstone.
You stress how important education is.
Your kids ask who is Abdus Salam.
You advocate that to know your scripture is to know the right way.
You throw me in jail for blasphemy because I touched your holy book to know the right way.
Are you really better than me?